2007.11.21
Bitch Parade
Oh yes, just look at me - always whining about being a woman. But it's irritating. I know guys don't have to do this. It's like I need to read a document, study it, and live life the exact way the document says.
Because lately more than ever, I've been just feeling like being a woman is nothing more than being a bitch on display, a bitch parade, a parade where other people can walk around and show off you, the bitch, on a leash. Do your tricks correctly and you'll impress others, guys will be stupid and put money on you. Especially if you make sure to put on the correct make-up and style your hair in their favorite hair style. Of course I'm always the bad dog - always being pointed in the direction of the "good bitch" and how I should learn my tricks from them. Of course it's always said in a tone MAYBE I'D ACTUALLY REWARD YOU AND GIVE YOU FUCKING TREATS IF YOU WERE JUST LIKE THAT BITCH OVER THERE!
Never have I felt so bad just for simply being myself.
Anyway - I also never thought I'd miss the days where people just called me Marilyn Manson and didn't even realize that I was Asian.
Asian Fetish
Being Asian I guess it's only natural people put me under the good girl role no matter what I do. It's sad when I try getting into a conversation with someone but then they're thinking in their head: "OH NO REALITY GLITCH! HER KIND ISN'T PROGRAMMED TO BE INTO THAT SHIT. SHE MUST ONLY SPEAK OF CLEANING, COOKING, HER FOREIGN LAND, AND HOW SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH HER WHITE MAN SO SHE COULD IMPORT HERSELF TO THIS COUNTRY!" Unfortunate as it is I always get people walking up to me acting like they know my whole life story just because they met someone "of my kind" before.
Some shit along the lines of a man comparing me to his Asian girlfriend, his Asian ex-girlfriend, his Asian fiancee, his ex Asian fiancee, his Asian wife, his ex Asian wife, his Asian foreign exchange student friend, his Asian neighbor next door, well you get the idea. Because they knew some form of Asian female species before they know I was made the same exact way. I imported myself from my foreign land and that I'm heading on my way to get my nursing degree to become a nurse because I was born nurturing and some bullshit. You know, the kind of push over doormat woman that licks boots and gets on all fours scrubbing the ground because I'm hard working and some shit. I only long to be married to a white guy (if I'm not already married to one) and have his children and live the rest of my life as a house wife thinking my life is complete - because like yeah - all I need is to be married with my fucking nursing degree. And like, guys flock to that shit because they don't know how to grow out of their mother so they look at me and think "I MET MY IDEAL WOMAN! Because like American women are terrible because they only care about themselves and are independent y'know - they're not like Asian women I've read about. I heard they go far back and beyond to please their man, they'll even wipe their asses for them. Just what we want, because we don't know how to grow out of our mothers." And then they get to know me and they find out that I wasn't created the same way like all the other Asian girls they met. Then they lecture and scold me for being programmed differently. Usually it goes in these steps when they finally find out I'm not their dream woman:
...Why are you not from a foreign land!? Why can't you teach me the culture? WHAT THE HELL!?
- I was born in Germany fucker. I grew up very Americanized and only spoke English at home. Now I may be some ethnicities (which I won't ever list - not because I'm ashamed; I just don't want to get emailed in bulk about how dickless guys into skinny ass Asian women can learn more about my culture when I didn't even fucking grow up with it!) but that doesn't mean I grew up with it. Yes, it's possible. I grew up speaking English. Don't comment to me "OH WOW your English is so good!" Know shit fucker, it's my first language.
Why are you so distant! WHAT AREN'T YOU NURTURING LIKE MY MOM!? WHY AREN'T YOU HEADING INTO THE NURSING FIELD!?
- First of all, I'm not your mom. And you need to grow the fuck up. And believe it or not...Asian women are just like normal people (OH NO! IS THAT REALLY POSSIBLE!?) they come from all kinds of different upbringing's. And believe it or not - some even have a mind of their own. Point blank - I don't give a fuck about nursing nor am I the most caring person out there. I'm a normal person. Not everyone gives a flying fuck about others. I also don't want to be spending the rest of my life taking care of others.
And I know at times I can be emotionally distant. But really, what the fuck IS BETTER? A caring, perky, nurturing woman who jumps from guy to guy within a matter of seconds (hey, she's probably fucking your best friend right now with a big ass smile on her face!) and tells you to just be friends with a big ass Julia Roberts smile on their face as if your relationship didn't mean jack shit to them, or me - someone you know won't do that shit.
Why do you swear so much!? ASIAN GIRLS DON'T DO THAT!!!1111
- Not all white people swear and eat lobster, not all black people eat fried chicken and drink kool-aid, not all Mexicans enjoy tacos and burritos, not all Asian girls are quiet and nice. If they are quiet you should probably think twice and realize that they're either bored shitless or don't like you. As for me swearing? It's just the way I am. Blunt. I'm not going to get all fucking poetic and speak in spirals. In short if I were to translate things in my words:
Spirals: I want someone who doesn't change color like the seasons, say if I were fall they'd leave me for winter.
Me: I want a man who isn't pussy and doesn't change for anyone else.
Spirals: I want someone who can keep up with me and not fall behind or run ahead, but keeps on pace with me.
Me: I want someone who's worthy of me.
Spirals: I want to meet people who leave an everlasting impression on me like a frozen petal. Not people who wither away and die within time like a rose.
Me: If you're boring and uninteresting - get the fuck out.
But I do approve of sarcasm (great sarcasm) because it'll make you think instead of leaving you like "SOMEONE AXE THAT FUCKER! THEIR POETRY SUCKS!"
Why did you dye your hair!? Why do you wear colored contacts? ARE YOU NOT HAPPY WITH WHAT GOD GAVE YOU?
Now I haven't gotten the whole hair comments lately simply because I haven't dyed my hair since 2004. Black is my favorite hair color, but unfortunately like how everyone in DW6 got make-overs...I'll be changing my hair color because the same thing too long gets old and boring. Like Sun Ce's ugly ass hair in Dynasty Warriors and his dad Sun Jian only being 35 while his sons are in their late 20's. But yes I did get the whole angry hair comments back then when I dyed it. I even got an indirect insult from one of my old history teachers back in highschool.
"I don't understand why the Japanese population of teens dye their hair orange just to be different when black is a perfect color."
And of course, my hair was orange at the time. :(
It's not that I'm not happy with my natural looks - I love my natural eye and hair color. But the same thing too long gets boring. But of course the random dumbass will automatically assume I'm only doing this because I'm insecure and want to look more Caucasian. You fucker.