2008.03.26
So I'm Insecure for Wanting Change
Asian woman are always supposedly insecure for dying their hair and wearing colored contacts.
When I lived in the states as a child I never wanted to dye my hair. I liked how unique I was for having pitch black hair while everyone else had colored hair. Even if their hair was black it wasn't raven black like mine. I never even thought of dying my hair till I moved to Japan when I was 12. For what reason? I liked how cool the Japanese celebrities looked. (Normally kids look up to celebs and go to them for fashion sense, of course I'd never do that now.) Not only that (I know the following will sound stupid) wanted to look like some characters from King of Fighters. When I saw Asians with dyed hair I just saw them as ASIANS WITH DYED HAIR. I didn't see them as:
OMGWTF ASIANS WITH DYED HAIR! THEY MUST BE INSECURE. THEY MUST WANT TO BE WHITE. THEY MUST BE ASHAMED OF THEIR WHOLE CULTURE AND NATION. SHAME ON THEM FOR DYING THEIR HAIR AND TRYING TO ALTER WHAT THEY WERE BORN WITH. DON'T THEY KNOW THAT A SIMPLE HAIR COLOR CHANGE WILL NEVER MAKE THEM WHITE? THEY NEED TO STOP MIMICKING US WHITE PEOPLE AND LEARN TO LOVE THEMSELVES. THEY SHOULD NEVER EVEN THINK OF GOING BLONDE OR CHANGING THEMSELVES. THEY'RE INSECURE! INSECURE! INSECURE! INSE-FUCKING-CURE!
And here I am just standing to the side thinking "Shit, I just wanted a different hair color." However when someone else (well what the hell let's just say WHEN A WHITE PERSON does it) they're not insecure. Like you know damn well a great deal of blondes here aren't naturally blonde. They dye their fucking hair. Is Paris Hilton insecure for dying her hair blonde and wearing blue contacts? What about Lindsay Lohan? I think she looks best with her natural hair color but even she dyes her hair blonde. Maybe we just all want the same thing no matter what race we are.
CHANGE.
I was crazy about dying my hair when I was 13-17. The main color I dyed it was blonde. (And I can see why girls do dye their hair blonde, blondes sure do have more fun.) During the times I dyed my hair blonde I didn't think "OMGWTFOMGWTFI'LLLOOKLIKECHRISTINAAGULEIRAIFIDOTHIS!" I just wanted CHANGE. I thought it'd be cool for a CHANGE to have the opposite of black. A whitish blonde. Not to mention I was living in Asia at the time, I lived there for eight straight years and yes, there's an abundance of people with black hair. In America I was unique because I was the only one with black hair. In Asia everyone else had black hair and I just wanted to try something new.
Later on when I was 17 and after wasting I don't know how much of my life playing Dynasty Warriors while admiring Xiahou Dun's nice flowing long black hair I stopped dying my hair. I was done seeing all the possibilities I could do with my hair. And from the start it had nothing to do with insecurity. I just wanted CHANGE.
As far as colored contacts go? Well I started wearing contacts when I was sixteen. Glasses are perfectly fine for computer geeks (not insulting them because that's exactly what I am too) but not good at all if you're trying to live a more active lifestyle. I tried cheer leading with glasses for fuck's sake. You know how much that sucked? Oh but of course the instant I mention "I want contacts" I get the "I" word again.
INSECURE.
I first tried getting colored contacts at a optometry in Guam. The place was run by an old white guy and all his employees were Asian women. None of them had dyed hair or wore colored contacts. I requested that I wanted colored contacts and since my hair at the time was blonde he was already partially freaked out and made all these excuses about WHY I couldn't get colored contacts. First one being that it wasn't safe for someone my age. I was sixteen at the time. Of course I knew that was bullshit because I knew a shitload of people that wore colored contacts. But he just looked at me like I was the most insecure piece of shit and wondered why in hell would I want change my natural OMGWTF "god-given" looks.
I wanted CHANGE.
I wasn't being insecure.
So after I got my contact prescription from them I was like "fuck this" and went to an optometry ran by Asian women. They understood why I wanted colored contacts. For one thing if I'm going to be wearing contacts I might as well go hit two birds with one stone. Use it for vision correction AND to see what it's like having a different eye color. To any other Asian person there they knew that I was just dying my hair and wearing colored contacts because I wanted to. To any non-Asian person there they "knew" I was insecure and trying to copy Hilary Duff or some shit when her natural hair color isn't even blonde.
Right now I've laid off on dying my hair and don't plan to do any wacky oddball colors anymore. But during the times I did dye my hair I was just being a teenager going through an experimental phase. As for contacts, well fuck after all those years playing NES games in the dark I'm obviously blind. I still wear colored contacts, mainly sporting purple ones. Of course the reactions I get from people are the same. White guys normally walk up to me trying to pat me on the back to give me confidence or some kind of shitty pep talk. One time while I was wearing clear contacts this guy walked up to me and said "If anyone tells you - don't get blue contacts! Do what you want to do, don't change for anyone else." I didn't get blue contacts, but I got purple. I then later overheard him talk about me to someone else about how he's sad that I'm not satisfied with my natural looks, all while glorifying Kim Kardashian. Though what the hell was I trying to be? What race of people out there have purple eyes? Oh yeah, I'm trying to be white. Especially since my interest for purple eyes came from the way Inahime is portrayed in Samurai Warriors.
I'm so wannabe fucking white.
But when a white person dyes their hair black or simply wears dark brown contacts are they ever considered wannabe Asian? No, because only Asians aren't allowed to dye their hair or wear colored contacts. They must always have the same features they were born with and there's an unwritten rule that we're not allowed to alter our apperance whatsoever. Because we all know that just by looking at us Asians who either dye our hair or wear colored contacts we're all wannabe white and insecure with ourselves.