09.10.07
How to Not Pick Up a Girl: Ex Talk
Point blank 窶 don窶冲 talk about your ex to your girlfriend or a potential lover repeatedly. Of course one thing, it窶冤l make us jealous. But not only that, it窶冤l piss us off. Because it窶囘 piss off anyone if you were with someone and all they talked about was their fucking ex. Does this sound like a good pick up line to you?
Hey baby. Y'know my ex broke my heart and I was really in love with her and we dated for a long time. I didn't want to end the relationship and I still have feelings for her. Hey, want to go on a date? Y'know - so I can talk more about my ex to you?
Not even the free food would be worth that dinner.
So what does talking about you ex say to us? I'll tell you one thing, it sure as hell doesn't make us swoon over you.
1. You haven窶冲 gotten over your ex yet.
NEWS FLASH 窶 YOU FUCKING BROKE UP. If you窶决e desperate to get back with her then go the fuck back and don窶冲 waste our time asking us out on dates just to mope about it. If she won窶冲 take you back then be a fucking man and get over it. Heartbreak, it comes with life. Shit happens.
2. You窶决e a whiny pansy who won窶冲 let someone who forgot about you long ago 窶 GO.
Worst of all are the guys that constantly keep talking about their ex as if they recently broke up. But then you find out they broke up years ago. Once again, what窶冱 the point of talking to someone new about your past? I don窶冲 bother others with my past. It窶冱 done and over with. Everything is said and done in that chapter of my life. I窶冦 not going to go back and try to rewrite shit just to make it different. Once again, shit happens.
3. What constantly randomly bringing up past memories implies.
Once again, why the fuck are you there trying to get with someone new when you won窶冲 let go of the past? Is it necessary to randomly talk about your ex? Like:
窶廬 bought my ex the same necklace.窶
窶弋hat woman looks like my ex窶冱 mother.窶
窶廴y ex said that.窶
窶廬 tried that with my ex but she didn窶冲 allow it.窶
窶廴y ex liked that.窶
窶廾h, eating here reminds me of my ex.窶
窶弋hose were my ex窶冱 favorite flowers.窶
窶廬 cooked for my ex.窶
It窶冱 not necessary. Personally, I only bring up past relationships if someone asks. Most of all do people who do this seriously not realize that constantly talking about their ex shows that they窶决e paying more attention to their past instead of the person there, RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF THEM!?
4. Bringing up what you did intimately with your ex.
The only shit we need to know about what you did with your ex is if you got aids or some STDs or not. We don窶冲 need to know what position you did, how loud she fucking moaned, where you knocked each other up at, how she 窶徭melled窶昶ｦOnce again 窶 THE FUCK?
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Now don窶冲 look at me like I窶冦 heartless. It took me nearly three years to get over someone. THREE YEARS. And I repeated all the shit up there. I repeatedly kept talking about this certain someone to everyone. Part of me was trying to make them jealous; most of it was just left over angst from that relationship. I wanted to seek pity from others and make them feel sorry for me and my past events. No one stood by that shit.
I often wondered why, but why the hell talk to someone who won窶冲 stop moping around by talking about someone else 窶 someone they could have a future relationship with? What窶冱 the fucking point of sticking with someone who窶冱 blind, full of angst, and only sees the past? I manned up, I got over my past. And more than just simple heartbreak has happened to me in the past.
I窶况e had a romantic interest OD BECAUSE OF ME and my emo angsty ways. I pissed him off that much. He did that as a distraction to get me to stop talking about my fucking past窶ｦit wasn窶冲 his intention to kill himself. Now just think of that scenario if you keep talking about your fucking ex窶冱 to others. Normally people would just walk off. But once in a million you might find someone that truly cares about you and desperately WANTS you to forget your past but all you keep doing is talking about your fucking ex.
It窶冱 pointless. Unneeded.Not only that, it makes you look like a stalker. Yes I窶况e played that role before too. The angry idiot who can窶冲 get over and doesn窶冲 comprehend the words 窶廬T窶儡 OVER窶 in their dictionary. All I ever thought about was the good times when we were close. I never thought about what led us to become distant. I was constantly trying to patch things up. I failed each time.
So I窶冤l be blunt as usual. Yes you had good memories; you want them to happen again. But don窶冲 forget the bad memories and the road that led to your break up. It obviously happened for a reason. Someone was hurt. Mortal wounds were inflicted to the relationship. It died. Idealistically you窶冤l think anything lasts forever. But realistically nothing lasts forever, even if you stay with one person your whole life. Death is part of life in any kind of situation. And moping around brings nothing back. And of course you窶决e just being an insulting sunnavabitch repeatedly bringing up past relationships to someone new like they窶决e not fucking good enough.
Most of all, time won窶冲 stop if you continue to mope around. Believe me; I moped for three fucking years over a past relationship. Once I finally broke out of that spell I realized the worst thing possible. How much I missed out on because I wouldn窶冲 stop comparing everyone to him.
So lesson learned: DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.
And if you're still thinking about your ex even though you're trying to meet new women, save us all the fucking time and keep yourself locked up away from us. Or just do something that doesn't involve meeting women. Talking about your ex and how much you loved her doesn't make you look like a nice caring guy. It makes you look like a guy with a small fucking penis who doesn't even know how to use it all because you won't get the fuck over the past. This is the real world and we're not your mommies. We are not going to pity you. We might break a wine bottle on your head as well as throw our dinner in your face and tell you to shut the fuck up, man up, and don't even talk to us again, but we are not going to pity you.
Me personally? I don't ever want to deal with something like this again. When I had to put up with shit like that it got so bad I just wanted to hit myself with a baseball bat. Play Magna Carta. Watch Samurai Shodown the Motion Picture. Punch myself. Get amnesia. Get hit by a car. Something more entertaining than hearing about someone's fucking ex. I don't give a shit how badly someone hurt you. You think you're the only person who was ever hurt? Look what happened to a romantic interest up there - the guy who OD'd. That's some pretty tough shit, but I'm not going to go around meeting new guys telling every single one of them about it. Or how this other guy once put my heart in a blender. That's what dumbasses do.