2008.04.01
Fat Fuck America
America has seriously got to be the only place the world where you're seen as a social outcast for walking. I was puzzled how the streets were barren in Guam (speaking of the military bases) but it at least wasn't rare to see someone walking. Where I live now you're seen as a social outcast with buckteeth who goes home to an ugly wife and will never be anything in life simply if you don't have a car. The worst thing about it is that I come across some people who grab their car keys just to drive to a building only TEN FOOTSTEPS away. It reminds me of that one Harvey Birdman episode where the Jetsons couldn't walk to Harvery Birdman's desk because in their future they didn't walk at all so they didn't know how to.
Because I spent my most influential years in Japan I thought I'd get by without a driver's license. There's several adults there that don't have one because you can just rely on public transportation there. Coming back to America I of course realized I can't. The sad thing was that I couldn't wait to go back to the US because I stupidly thought that I'd have the pleasure of walking to my college that's only around the corner. I can't. Why? There's fucking serial killers and rapists out there. Not to mention the pedophiles. Damn, damn, damn, it's never good to only be as tall as a ten year old.
That said, I like walking. But when I moved back to the US two years ago I found that I was trapped inside my house because I couldn't go outside simply because I didn't have a driver's license and I couldn't walk because the streets were too dangerous. Next thing I know I went from 120 - 132 in a matter of months. I was appalled at my weight so I tried going on the slim fast diet. FUCK, the next thing I knew I was 137 lbs. I never thought I'd get so fucking heavy EVER. NOT EVER IN MY LIFETIME. (I know that probably sounds skinny to a lot of you but keep in mind that I'm only about 4'11 - 5'0 and the most I should be weighing is 120 lbs.) I soon felt the pain of the angry depressed fat kids. Because I became an angry depressed fat kid myself! I was lethargic. Slept in for hours too long. Found it hurt to do simple shit. Loathed walking. Most of all that big fucking gut I had to carry. I looked pregnant. Some people even thought I was pregnant. Yes, fat fuck Mika looked like a pregnant chick. And there were embarrassing times where I'd be out there wearing a mini skirt and a tight shirt thinking I still looked like my old self. But no, I WAS FAT MIKA.
Now back when I lived in Japan I ate terrible. I pigged out on everything, ate fast food a lot. I managed to stay at 110 lbs. But then again that's most likely because the size portions of meals are completely different in America. I recall the first time I went to Guam (which is more or less USA's bastard child) and ate at a Burger King there. Everything was ridiculously huge. In Japan they gave you a simple meal in a bag. In America they gave you the whole fucking dinner table and more in a bag. Even when I was trying to control my weight by what I was eating I still couldn't bring my weight down. Damnation. For the first time ever I had to go to the gym on a regular basis just to get that pregnant belly away from me. (Mainly because I could no longer get rid of that shit by walking.) It was nice to look at myself from the side and be like "YAY I GOT BEWBIES!" But it was not great to see that my belly was sticking out farther than my chest could ever reach. I swear. I lived a savage life style in Japan. There'd be times I'd just eat five Lotteria burgers and do nothing but lie around all day while playing video games. I still never got fat.
After that experience I soon found out why America has the title of being the fattest country. You're a retarded loser with six eyes if you walk. Slightly less of an idiot (but still one) if you ride a bike. Well speaking of bikes let me make some comments about that. I can't believe people are ridiculed for riding a bike to work. Or just simply riding a bike in general. In Asia and Europe a lot of people do that. (Of course. That's why they're not on the news headlines: "300 POUND EIGHT YEAR OLD!" "BREAKING NEWS: IS AMERICA THE FATTEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD?") Fuck, I might even get a bike even after I get my driver's license. Really, it's amazing how the people with fancy cars and shit pack them selves inside gyms for hours. They wouldn't even need to do that if they just got out of their fucking car and walked their fatasses to a place only ten steps away. Now I know sadly once I start driving in my bitch of a car (having a nice car is like having a hot girl attached to your arm) I know everyone that criticized and felt sorry for me will congratulate me. While there's me once again standing there in confusion wondering about the wonders of this world.
Actually when I was walking to the library once (which was only a ten minute walk from my starting place) this guy picked me up and wanted to drive me to the library because he felt sorry for me. It would've only taken me three more minutes to get there but I couldn't exactly refuse his offer. So I jumped in the car and during our short ass ride he told me his back story and how he can relate to me. There was a time that he was in my shoes. He used to walk from the barracks to work and it was like an OMG long ass walk and he had to carry a big ass bag on his back every day. One day he saved enough money and finally bought a car. It took a while to make enough money to get a car but he never forgot where he came from. That's why he can pity and have sympathy for people like me. Now sure I know I do need a driver's license and I really need to get one ASAP for two major reasons. If I have one I can confirm my residency status even more (for cheaper tuition) and there's plenty of jobs that won't hire you if you don't have one. But I don't need a fucking car to walk to a place only ten minutes away. What the hell. I guess another awkward thing about that story is that the guy was/is in the military. I don't know how it is for every where else, but normally for military places overseas lower ranking people don't get to drive cars. They're forced to either walk everywhere or take a bus. Which really isn't bad at all, they're in the MILITARY. They need to be manly and not rely on shit to get everywhere. I know you can't call for a taxi when you're in the battle zone in Iraq. You don't see Ryu hitiching a ride from Ken - because he's fucking manly. He also carries a big ass bag everywhere - he never complains. Because Ryu is a man and doesn't need to ride in a cute little car.
Lastly about people going to gyms trying to shave their fat off. It never fails to amuse me that whenever I get on the ab machine there's a line of retard fatasses waiting for their turn. What - after driving that car every damn place you went to, after shoving all that shit down your throat, after laughing at the thin people that walk or ride bikes, you think that you're instantly going to loose all that fat just by using one simple ab machine when you're fat everywhere else? Damn, at least try the fucking treadmill even though they wouldn't even need to be wasting their time walking on a machine that leads nowhere if they didn't get in their goddamn cars and to drive to places only one or two buildings away.