2008.04.15
Getting over the pRon
What was one of my worst habits? Looking at porn.
The very first time I came across a porno mag was when I was seven or eight - I can't remember. Maybe I was in third grade. Well all I know was that I was a kid. I was hanging out with my Christian friends who were all part of this secret club for Christian kids that I always wanted to be a part of (only to grow up and realize it resembled nothing more than a cult. DAMN!) I lived in the Azores at that time. It's completely different from every single base I ever lived at. If you're lower ranking in the food chain in the Azores - you didn't live on base. You lived off base like the scum you are. Lajes was probably the most fucked up experience I had as a military brat. Fucking local kids who acted like they were homeless would knock on your door and ask for shit - if you're a stupid American that instantly felt sorry for these people who are supposedly "less fortunate" than you, you gave in completely. I recall this one bitch. She did not stop knocking on our door after we were nice to her once. Yet she dressed better than me. That bitch wasn't homeless.
Okay, okay, now that I've gone completely off topic. Back to that first porno mag that I held in my hands. Back to my crazy Christian friends. It was somewhat of a tropical place, there were tons of forest like areas for us to actually use our imagination and act like we were going on RPG adventures. (Sure as hell wasn't like today where kids would rather waste away behind a computer screen with their MMORPGS.) One day while we were having an adventure we saw the light shine from the heavens. That light landed on well - you guess it - a porno mag. That was the first time all of us saw naked adult bodies and men sticking their shit into women. We had no idea that our bodies could do that. I still recall that magazine till this day. I thought "Wow - I don't ever want to grow up if my body is going to look like that!" Being porno, of course the girls were all plastic and had silicon tits. I didn't know that at the time. I can't recall how many of us were there when we found it, probably five or six of us, both girls and boys. It was like we sat down Indian style in a circle with a bonfire in the middle, except we were all looking at that porno mag with confusion and amazement. It was that car crash we couldn't seem to peel our eyes away from.
That was our secret item, whoever conveniently put it there, maybe it was someone from above. Y'know, odd of all I find this with my Christian friends. I had tons of friends but nothing random like that happened with my other friends. Anyway, for the next three days or so we'd all hang out at that place and grab that mag and stare at it with amazement. It was like peeking into another world. Here we were playing with barbie dolls and video games and we didn't even know of this other world. It was like: "So while I was playing Mario Paint...this is what all the adults are doing?" Ridiculous I know, since any five year old can go to google.com now and type up "Asian bitches getting fucked by big Black cocks" (Oh I sure know that line will boost traffic to this site from those five year olds googling that line up.) But back then, that was all we had. That little porno mag. Though our little secret was torn to shreds one day. One of those Christian kids just had to be fucking curious and wonder what their parents thought of it.
Good god. I don't even want to imagine what it'd be like if I had a kid and they brought home a fucking porn mag and asked me what I thought of it. Them being Christian parents, I don't even want to know what they did when that kid brought home that magazines. So yes one day little Timmy came home and his parents asked how he was doing in school. Timmy replied that he was doing great and that he just aced his spelling test. Timmy also tells his parents that he found something. Timmy's parents look at each other and smile and wonder what it could be. Timmy whips out this porno mag he found in the forest and asks his parents what they think of it. He opens up to the page where a woman is being pounded in both holes with a little something extra in her mouth.
I don't even know how to write a conclusion to that story.
I remained a pervert throughout the years. When I was ten or so I would repeatedly watch that part in Devil Hunter Yohko when Osamu was about to bang Yohko. Or that few seconds in Ninja Scroll when what's his face was about to rape Kagerou. Sure I know, ways of looking at porn back then were laughable. But then again think back in the 1800's when people busted nuts just by seeing a thigh.
To fast forward this story - when I lived in Japan and when we got a satellite at home there was this one channel that showed pRon. Blurred out of course. But when you're curious you work with what you have. Any smart parent would've blocked that shit out which I'm glad they did. Really. That channel was fucked up - there was this girl getting off to a wall. Porno - masturbation for the eyes, both a waste of time. I'm glad that channel was blocked. But that didn't stop me from buying that shit on Pay Per View.
I guess another thing I should say about the porno craze is that normally kids think that they're "TEH SHIT" if they watch porn. Usually guys think that by watching porn it gives them the right to act as if they're men just because they watch two people fucking on a TV or computer screen. Somehow looking at pictures of naked women makes them more of a man. Though what's so cool being the person from the outside looking in? Well I was one of those people who thought that I was more "adult like" than everyone because of my porno addiction. A lot of guys thought it was cool how I didn't talk about porn in disgust. I recall talking to this one boy I had a crush on. He asked me what I was doing and I said in my high and mighty voice like I was superior to any other person in this world: "I'm watching porn."
The normal reaction I got from guys was "HELL YEAH! YOU THE MAN NOW DAWG!" But with him he was different. He paused and questioned me. I was dumbfounded. And I was like "uh...you watch porn too don't you?" He told me watching porn was a waste of time to him. That was the first time anyone actually gave me that reaction. The thing that made that even more odd is that he's a freakin' pervert himself. But he saw things differently, he'd rather be getting with women in real life instead of acting all high and mighty by watching other guys fuck girls on a tv screen. That earned him some respect points and made me think twice about my obsession.
Didn't stop me from watching porn though.
The worst thing you can do to your child is trust them enough to have a computer in their room. Normally teenage girls get online boyfriends, run off, meet with their online boyfriend only to get raped, end up on the news, everyone feels sorry for her - when it was her own damn fault that happened - but that didn't happen to me of course. When I got a computer in my room one of the first things I of course did was look for pRon. I virused up my computer plenty of times and had to reboot it. That was my warning, but it didn't stop me from looking. Come 2005-2007, possibly my loneliest years my obsession with pRon really took off. I'd go to these porn sites waiting for their daily update. Sometimes I'd visit those sites more than once a day being annoyed that they weren't updated yet. Yes I know this has got to be one of the worst cases of pRon obsession ever. Some of you are probably asking "Well - why didn't you just go out and do it! You don't need to watch porn!" Well as much as it killed me, I told myself that I wouldn't do any of that shit again until I got into a real relationship. Sure my younger years were loose and I was a little Lindsay Lohan, but throughout the years I gained morals. Plus - I lived in Guam. What the hell was I going to do there? That's probably the worst place to live at if you're built like a woman. It was full of Asian and White guys and they don't like real women. (Okay, before I suffocate under all the hate mail I'll just say that the majority don't.) So I was lonely. All I had were my disks of pRon. Now mind you I never actually bought porn. That's a waste of money. But when it came to downloading and shit - yes. I did that all the time. A terrible addiction. Maybe if I wasn't so caught up watching that shit my art skills would've probably advanced far beyond the crap it is right now. But no, I was lonely and I couldn't stop watching fucking porn.
Damn you internet there's so many things that are just a click away. While watching porn I got into a hentai craze. There was a time I'd download at least three new hentai titles a day. No I didn't actually watch them of course. I skimmed through, looked for good sex scenes, if there were any I'd take it to Windows Movie Maker and edit that shit so I'd only get the sex scenes, delete the files, rinse lather repeat. Not only that, I wanted to play as many hentai games as possible. Now some of them are actually pretty fun. A great deal are text games (I love that shit) and some actually have great stories. I've played way too many hentai games, it's so sad that if you named one made before 2006 I'd probably know what it is and I could give you a full rant about it. Though one hentai game I still never got to play was Divi Dead. Damn. And hentai or not, that game looks like it's great. One time I got crazy enough to download 5GBs of hentai games. That lead to one great series, Princess Maker. Yes that's one great thing about my porno craze, it oddly introduced me to Princess Maker which isn't even a hentai title at all. But due to wrong marketing it somehow ended up in that stash.
Well you're probably thinking that wow I must've had a lot of time on my hands to be watching that much porn. Well you know, I finally got off my ass and stopped trying to rely on others in June 07'. I was getting my act fixed. And you know what that meant? Finally, I'll be finding a way to keep myself occupied enough to stray away from that fucking porno addiction. Not to mention the last time my computer fucked up in 07' was becuase I was once again, watching too much porn. So for about a couple months the only way I could get online was by using public computers. That helped me get over that terrible porno addiction phase.
Let's just fast forward to the present. I am glad to say that I am no longer masturbating with my eyes and am no longer watching badly animated hentai with the same three frames repeating in and out. As for hentai games, well hey some of the gameplay is actually interesting (more interesting than the games that come out today) so I'm shameless about that. Yup, I'd still be playing True Love if I could get it to run on my computer.