2007.02.08
A White Man's Journey - Fatal Fury the Motion Picture
(This was originally a journal entry)
...Why did I never notice...how unbelievably shitty this movie is? Its like a Fatal Fury RPG in movie format. (well that's probably one of the main reasons why I never noticed, I used to be a big fan of RPGs until recently) I'm wondering why Hollywood never bothered to make a live action movie out of this, it has so many stereotypes:
- Asian guy (Joe Higashi) never gets the girl, which he even complains about. He also never really gets any spotlight, he's just like the Asian girl, a background character.
- The only Asian girl (Mai Shiranui) is with a white man (Andy Bogard.) Funny thing is, she's not with the Japanese guy, but with the white guy who's just like a Japanese guy. While I do like the pairing, its just another example about how this would make a great Hollywood film.
- Some strange girl (Sulia) out of nowhere asks the main character (Terry Bogard) for help and for no reason at all he and his gang decide to help her. (Which is, RPG cliche 101) But seriously, if it were me, I wouldn't give a shit if some cute girl asked me to go on a journey for that Goddamus crap. "Goddamus?" UGH.
- Oh, of course the mysterious foreign girl (who just so happens to be the last of some extinct race) is all over the white guys nuts. She ignores the Japanese guy, the other white guy who's just like a Japanese guy is taken by the Asian girl, so she jumps all over the homeless-looking white man wearing nothing more than pizza boy gear (Terry Bogard.)
- Terry's amazingly attractive dead lover Lily that he's brooding over comes in a dream and tells him its okay to do that strange teenager girl. Not exactly a cliche, but just something funny worth mentioning. I should also mention that Terry was like the "Great white hope" to Lily in the first TV special. "A bird trapped in a cage..." Aww that white man, that white man...
- I don't know if its because they were twins, but I did smell a bit of "incest" in Laocorn when it came to his sister. (And that's a Japanese stereotype since there's some obsession with fucking your sister there)
- Sulia gets kidnapped by her evil brother. Yes, pure twin, bad twin. I've never seen that before. Now a black and white twin might be something to talk about.
- I don't remember their names but Laocorn's henchmen are all stereotypical. I can't remember if the woman was in love with him (was she?) but uh yeah, just some random bitch made so she could fill every little boy's fantasy when she and Mai Shiranui fight by the pool side. The pretty guy who's into himself more than anything, oh he's not gay since he likes the asian woman. But he can't compare to the white man. And then the last guy who looks kind of like Akuma. He's not exactly evil, and actually does care for Sulia. When Terry and friends come to save Sulia after she gets kidnapped they all have a shodown. After Terry beats the Akuma guy he tells Terry that he's the only one who can save them (because he's white, doesn't matter what kind of white, as long as you're white. Even if you look homeless.)
- In the end you find out that Laocorn was just being used. And OMG the "REAL" final boss shows up!
- Sulia dies in Terry's arms right after they kiss. Notice greatly how the Japanese man is on the side alone while the other white guy Andy has an Asian woman wrapped around him. Dammit, see how great this movie would be for Americans? Asian guy - loser. Asian woman - white man fodder. White man - always gets the girl, no matter what race they are. The more exotic they are, the more chance they have of knocking up that woman.
- At the very end, after they defeat the last boss all the crew does is walk off and then a bad 80's-ish rock song plays. Thank hell its a movie, if it were a RPG I'd be like "I went through hours of random battles just for this?!"
Surely there's more but I don't want to bother thinking of all of it.
It was worth buying the FF TV specials on DVD for 6 bucks, with this movie the VHS is fine enough for me. O_O And it has some significance. I think this was the first anime tape I ever bought. Now of course Samurai Shodown: The Motion Picture sucks too, but its so bad that I can't even put my thoughts together to come up with a rant for it.